I get so much stress and shit from being at home. It hurts when people say that family will ALWAYS be there for you. And they wonder why I’m always out, why I always put my friends first. How can I put the people who bring me down the most first in my lives, as my number one priority? They don’t even listen to me or give me the chance to explain myself. You guys don’t even know how jealous I am of people who can be open with their parents, of those who have a sibling they can go to. It’s so tiring, crying over the same problem time after time and feeling so alone sometimes. I know that I’ll never have an honest and open relationship with them, and that any good times that we may have will only last for a small amount of time. It’s becoming more and more of a letdown; I’m always hoping that things will improve between us. But I guess some things just never change.
I’m no different from the Cowardly Lion. I’m in need of courage because I don’t have the guts to tell you what I’m thinking I don’t want you to be angry. But at the same time I don’t want to feel like this I’m tired of it.
I haven’t wrote a real blog in a while so I think I’ll just do it now. School’s been whatever I don’t really see that much of a difference between this year and last year..except that this year theres more work. But duh. Current annoyances include my uncle singing all the DAMN time and him SWEARING as if he does it so well (sorry) especially since he sings REALLY LOUD and ugh I really do hope that he finds a job soon because it makes me mad how it’s like he’s just living with us and doing nothing at all. People touching and moving my stuff. I hate it. Don’t even move my toothbrush from it’s place. My stuff is mine no touchy -_- How I’m the ugly little duckling who still has her braces on and my obnoxious orthodontist who I now hate. I’ll admit that like, and maybe sometimes I don’t show it, but my self esteem is pretty low and I AM my biggest critic. I’m awkward in everything I do, pessimistic, and when people come to me to tell me about their problems, I care but I can never find the right words to make them feel better. I’m not really naturally good at anything, and I hate how some people are because I feel like anything that I DO happen to be good at is something I work towards. And my parents. But hey. Story of my freaking life right? I find myself asking “Who do they favorite?” more and more. I’m kind of starting to believe it’s glenn. I love them and all but being at home just gives me this sulky feeling and even though there’s good days sometimes it’s usually just a downer being here.
Honestly I don’t like posting blogs like this but I’m always always always bottling stuff up inside of me. Like you don’t even know I keep soo much to myself and it’s really rare for me to tell other people. l;kajwe;kfjtheend.
PS- If I ever get the chance to buy groceries: spanish paella, waffles, eggplant torta, some type of raw fish to go into sushi, linguini (all the stuff comes from fuckyeahdinner.tumblr.com I saw it on the popular page)
Not another talk! The last thing I need is to feel rushed into growing up and maturing. You say that you’ve been through exactly what I’m going through, that you know I want my independence already and that I want it bad. Honestly, it’s not what I want. Even though I say that I want to leave, it’s usually out of anger and the truth is I’m so not ready to leave home. I want to stay a teenager forever and I don’t want the responsibilities of an adult. I don’t even have a clue as to what I want to be when I grow up. Like, I’m almost sure that I’m going to turn out alright because I would never let myself get down to a level where I wasn’t able to support myself..but as of now I’m lacking direction and the future almost kind of..uh. scares me?