This year’s Christmas was fun (: What I managed to rack up: - piano book made from the heart by Miin - H&M gift card for $25 from Emmylou - $160 from various aunties/uncles/grandma - VS PJs, Blue scarf, White Shirt - Knit Scarf, film, meaningful pictures from Jesi - Gray Jacket from Merriam - Shirt from Danielle Not as much as last year but the quality of the presents were a lot better! Without the presents to focus on, I think I finally get what people are mean when they say “Christmas isn’t about the presents, it’s about spending time with the ones you love the most”. I feel so grown compared to last year.
I was actually surprised that it turned out as well as it did! We had almost NOTHING planned, I think we just made things up as we went. First, we were just playing the Wii and Twister, a game I would have won if Danielle hadn’t knocked me over lol! Not long after that we opened our Secret Santa presents and any other presents we had to give. Thank you Emmylou for the H&M gift card! Oh and I must say, Miin you really outdid yourself this year! I loved the gifts you gave. They were the cutest. After that, we played hide and seek in the dark, ten fingers, truth or dare, and sang karaoke. I’m glad that everyone was able to make it, Happy Holidays to all!
Going into the New Year, I think I’m ready for some change. 1. I want to be nicer. 2. I’m not going to be that hard on myself. 3. I want to be selfless. 4. I’m not going to take things for granted. 5. I AM going to get a haircut! 6. I’m going to openly accept change. 7. I want to bring out the best in myself.
Yesterday at Balboa I saw people who were blind singing Christmas Carols. I must admit that they weren’t very good, but there was something about them that kept me wanting to watch. Aged, they still had smiles on their faces. How is it that I have more than them, my youth, my health, good company, and I still manage to find something to complain about? Wouldn’t you think that as we learn more, things would get easier? However, the older I get, the more complicated things become and the more I feel I have yet to learn. I really hate how happiness is simple in thought, yet so difficult to obtain. I’ll admit that I need God more than ever right now because as the days pass, the devil’s presence only gets stronger.
So I still haven’t spoke to my dad, but if there’s one good thing that’s come out of this, it would be how I’m getting closer to my mom. I love how I can actually talk to her now about the problems concerning my dad. I was talking to her today and I was telling her all I want is for him to admit that he was wrong and for him to say sorry. Then she was like, “Well I don’t really think that he’s going to say sorry because you know your dad.. but he’s a good guy. I mean you never see him getting mad at you, only when you talk to him rudely.” It made me feel super guilty, but I don’t know what to do anymore about him. I feel like all we do is go in circles, never getting anywhere. We get along, we fight, I don’t talk to him for a while, and then eventually we “forget anything ever happened” and just talk again.
On a lighter note, Christmas is literally just around the corner and here’s a list of things I want. - Daisy/Dior/DKNY perfume - Clear umbrella - Faybans that aren’t too big for my face! - Disposable cameras - Film for my dear Holga - Forever 21 Gift cards - A webcam - More cardigans, basics, and jeans - Rectangle scarves - Pajamas - Boy meets world dvd - That one hat that covers your ears - Corioliss - White, black, colored any leggings! - Belts - High socks - White eyeliner, black liquid eyeliner, lipgloss from VS or B&BW
And when we do, we can never seem to keep it. It’s amazing how much my relationship with my dad has changed a lot for the worse this year. Sad, it really is. Even on Thanksgiving, I mean how could hedo that to me? Fucking yelling at me and then when I say “Take me home!” He doesn’t even fight to make me stay, he just takes me. You know how much it hurt me when I had to spend Thanksgiving alone? (But thanks Janel for coming over) It’s pretty much the reason that I put my friends on a pedestal. At this point, we haven’t really said anything to each other. It was probably one of the most biggest fights we have ever gotten into, no lie. It kills me cause the desire to be close to my family is strong, but right now it seems out of the question.